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Tracy is a sophomore at Bard College searching for transcendental experiences to escape from the grief she’s been carrying inside. When she takes mushrooms for the first time, the initial good trip gives way to feelings of suicidality. The next day she tries to block out the lingering confusion with more mushrooms, and pot, and ends up hallucinating that she’s the messiah. Tracy’s mom picks her up from the psych ward, and is angry at Tracy’s irresponsibility. She brings her back home, where Tracy finds a joint hidden in a book, smokes it, and completely dissociates from reality. Late that night, she hears a voice telling her that the woman who seems to be her mother isn’t, and that she must be brave and kill that woman to free her actual mother. Tracy gets a steak knife, goes into her mother’s bedroom, and starts stabbing her mother over and over. The family dog and Tracy’s mother’s boyfriend help reorient her to reality; she’s taken away by the police and put in an inpatient psych unit for three weeks, then an outpatient unit for several months. It takes several years for Tracy to create a new, safe reality for herself and her loved ones, but with her mother’s forgiveness and acceptance, she gets better.
anxiety, audio hallucination, Best of RISK!, better., blood, brave, breakdown, college, delayed grieving, delusion, delusional, detachment, dog, freaking out, grief, hallucination, hospital, inpatient, joint, karaoke, kill, knife, Live, love, marijuana, mental health, mental illness, messiah, mom, mother, murder, mushrooms, outpatient, pain, Philadelphia, Philly, philosophy, police, pot, psych ward, reality, recovery, religion, stabbing, steak knife, suicide, trip, unconditional love, voices, weed
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