Unraveling

I so appreciate Jesse Bradley’s story about learning to drive. I, too, experienced trauma related to driving and vehicles, and despite several valiant attempts, money poured into driving schools, different modes of therapy—including EMDR—driving eludes me to this day. I am 42 years old. I have had a lot of shame about this over the years. I felt I needed to hide it. I live in a city with limited public transportation. But my partner is kind and supportive, and once Uber and Lyft took off, it really expanded things for me. In my latest attempt to “fix me”, I told the same story to a new therapist. Something was wrong with me. I couldn’t do it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fix this thing that was wrong with me. Finally, the therapist said something that gave me peace. She said, “What if this doesn’t need to be fixed?” We talked about taking buses and Ubers and my city’s extremely limited light rail service, and how I actually don’t mind riding the bus, and how I can afford Uber and Lyft. She asked if my partner has expressed anger or frustration or resentment at my inability to drive. No, he’s been supportive and is always willing to give me a ride. “So what if nothing’s wrong with you?” That changed things for me. For now, I’m okay. I can accommodate. Thank you, Kevin and Jesse, for letting me know that I’m not alone in this, and also for sharing a male perspective. As a female, I think this fear is particularly stigmatized among men, and with all of the shame I’ve felt over the years, at least I didn’t have to deal with the added stigma of gender stereotypes associated with driving.